He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
