She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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