i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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