You're my little dorito
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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