My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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