The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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