saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
