I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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