we have pet lesbian snakes
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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