I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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