her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list