Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"