New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
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He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank