I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
