I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
