Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
