note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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