I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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