3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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