How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
