Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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