so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
