I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
