I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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