we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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