just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
