If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
