i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
