Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
