I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
ttyl tear gas
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
