I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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