..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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