I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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