I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
