I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
