i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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