Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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