I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
