and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
