Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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