is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
