She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
