worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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