we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
