my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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