here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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