i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
