I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
