i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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