Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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