He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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