I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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