I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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