He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
