I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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