Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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