btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hippo gnu deer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize