Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
