dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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