Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
