last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
