dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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