You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
