You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
