Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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