Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
