Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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